Welcome to my Nightmare

My biggest nightmare is the sole natural cause of death. Whatever kind of death it is, my nerves tense up. Even the 'sleeping' type of death scares me because it's like I'm never going to wake up. I believe that there is a heaven and a hell, and my ideal destination would be heaven, but even then I can't be so sure because I get really nervous. It's so crazy really how we are alive breathing one day and for all we know we can die in an instant whether it'd be a stroke, or a heart attack, or even a brain aneurysm. Last fall actually, a year ago from this time period, I had a problem in my head, I'm not really sure what it was as one pharmacist told me I was having migraines, and my doctor said it was due to my excessive paranoia that I have when I get really freaked out about something. It really scared me because I felt a sudden pop at the back of my head, and instantly my heart beat was racing and I was dizzy as can be, I was almost going to faint, but even then I was too scared to faint so I fought the urge to. I was weak for about a week, I didn't eat much and lost 6 pounds right off the bat, like the weight loss was nice you know, but it wasn't ideal as I had little energy and all I wanted to do was sleep all day. Later on into the season, I started feeling my chest clogged up, and my ability to breathe, as I felt, was slowly going away, and during all this time I was thinking about death and what would happen if I did die. it scared me to be honest, just the thought of not existing anymore, like how was the whole process going to work? I know how it works, but how would my family have coped with it? It's a scary thought to even think, but that was what ran through me most of the time. It really shaped my mentality at the moment, like I was acting very generous and very forgiving you can say and all that because I was scared of dying and you know, you don't want to die being bitter or not accepting someone's apology, like that's just really an uncomfortable way to die. This constant fear of dying is still present with me today and even now I get scared of little things you can say. Like today in the morning on my way to school my mom was driving and there was a car that immediately tried to switch to our lane as we were coming on. stupid part was that the driver in the vehicle didn't turn on his indicator. He/she was going to crash into us and right when I saw the wheels of the car switching to our lAne I gasped really hard and high and my mom swerved a little and got scared as heck. she also got mad at me which is understandable since I scared the heck out of her as well. Dying is a scary thing, but it's also part of the life cycle. Human nature is scary.